Mat's Prisoner Cell Block H Quotes Page
Enjoy. All contributions / corrections welcome. This page contains SPOILERS - you have been warned! Thanks to Michelle Murray and Robert Huselius for their additions to this page.
Links
Neil Stewart's Prisoner Cell Block H Page
Who's Who in Wentworth
My Favourite Prisoner Quotes
OK, so politically correct it isn't. Realistic? No idea since I've never been in a women's prison. If you try to explain why Prisoner Cell Block H is so superb, it comes out sounding kitsch. Anyway, I doubt any other soap would have included the following, so shuffle, hop, spring, brush, step-step
this way...
"You'll get yours, you fat dyke bitch!" - Mystery solved - Harvey said this to Judy!
"They just can't keep their hands off you Franky-boy!" - Frank: in his dreams!!
"You ain't whistlin' Dixie, Pixie!" - Roxy to Pixie
"Bugger me gently!" / "Bugger me dead!" - Lizzie, in character
"YOOOOOOUUU LIIITTTTTLE RIPPPPPPPAAAAAAH!!!!" - Lizzie
"I may be wirey, but I'm thin!" - Lizzie
Cass: "Oh shut up Lou, I'm sick of your rude cracks."
Lou: "Hey! Leave my private parts out of it!!"
"I see..." - Erica Davidson
"It's criminal the way they treat you in here!" - Lizzie
Barbie: "Naughty-Naughty!"
The Freak: "Naughty-Naughty, Miss Ferguson!"
"I'm gonna be the oldest bikie in the world Lurch, the oldest bikie in the world!" - Rita
"I don't suppose Erica Davidson's a lesbian... Knowing my luck, she'll be into skinny brunettes." - Helen Smart
Susie Driscoll: I got the job, in writing!
Steve Fawkner: Journalism?
Susie Driscoll: Oh no, he just wrote down to give me a job!
Helen Smart (Talking about her lawyer):
That stupid bastard! Telling me to take it lying down - well he can shove it!
Bea: Now hang on - what did he say? Maybe you should take his advice!
Helen: I wouldn't take his advice if I were drowning and he was telling me how to float!!
Maxie Daniels
- Anyone got a fag for an old lag?
- I could chew the leg off a low-flying duck!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Ernest Craven to Terry Walters
Health Instructor under Rita!!!! - Rita to her mates in the laundry (I guess you had to be there :) )
Lizzie to Maxine: She couldn't work if she was in an iron lung!
Nope, I don't understand it either!
Anne Reynolds: "I think I'll have to send out a meemo - I'm not Erica Davidson!"
Colleen: "She knows all about Chris!"
Meg: "But how?"
Colleen: "I won't mention any names, I'll just give you the initials -
Joan bloody Furgusson!"
Bea: "People have been known to kill to get into this joint!"
Faye Quinn in conversation with Nola McKenzie:
"What's it supposed to be? A 'K'?"
"Yeah"
"For 'Killer'?"
"Well, it's not for 'Kisses'!"
Bea: "Pixie has towels marked 'hers' and 'to whom it may concern'"
Bobbie to Minnie: "Get knotted bitch-features!"
Bobbie to Fergo: "Yeah - you try and I'll smash your teeth in you bloody
great Bull Dyke!"
Bloke who is holding Major Fergusson hostage, referring to the dirty mag he
is reading: "Don't fancy her? It figures - I've seen your daughter!"
About Stanley Dobson...
Minnie: "People go too much on appearences - and they're usually wrong!"
Cass: "Yeah - they ought to leave him alone. He's a very nice man"
Sonia: "That's what you said about Bridges before you cut his head off isn't it ?!"
Bobbie about the freak:"She's like a cheap pair of knickers - she'll drop on you when you least expect it!"
Judy about the freak:"It must have been hard on her brother... growing up without a sister!""
The Freak to Judy after Cass's incarceration:"At least you know Parker's sleeping in a nice soft bed tonight... nice soft walls too!"
The Freak to Mr. Munro (Shane's father):"You lay a hand on that child and I'll have bits of you for breakfast. And I mean VERY SMALL BITS!"
Marlene: "Old 'food poisoning' O'Reagan couldn't cook her way out of a brown paper bag!"
Bev Baker: "Do you want a game of Euchre to break the boredom?" - just goes to show that everybody has their good points!!
Phyllis Hunt: "I think it sucks."
Lizzie Birdsworth: "Oh, thanks Mrs Reynolds, your blood's worth bottling!"
Nola McKenzie: "You'll get wrinkles on top of your wrinkles, Wrinkles!"
Maxine Daniels: "Lizzie, you're a crook! Good on ya, granny!"
A selection from the Freak:
- "Just look at it as a bible class. 'What the department gives, the officers
can take away.'"
- "No, you cannot claim on the money unless you've served time in this prison.
(...) Normal procedure, madam, is to commit a crime."
- "Now this, Stevens, is what we laughingly call a work area."
- "Do you know what, Stevens? Somehow throwing up really suits you."
Colleen Powell:
- "I hope you haven't drawn my chance to be flowergirl."
- "...and what's even _more_ fun - you get to follow the regulations."
Sonia Stevens: "The queen is dead - long live the queen!"
Meg: It's your turn to see the social worker, Lawson.
Chrissie: Tell him from me, he can get social with me anytime he likes. I'm a good worker when I get going.
Bea: Subtle as a sledge...
Bea: A good screw is still just a screw.
Chrissie: I don't know about that...
Bea & Chrissie: *giggle*
Lizzie: There are still some ladies present, so would you just shut your
mouth?
Maxine: Hey, Bea?
Bea: Mm.
Maxine: What's a five letter word for "idiot"?
Bea: Try "drongo".
Maxine: D, R ... won't fit in!
Bea: Write small!
Maxine: Ah, yeah.
Nola: What the hell am I supposed to do out here?
Powell: Well, you can start by pulling out the weeds.
Nola: I wouldn't know a weed from a gum tree.
Powell: That's easy. If you get a hernia, you've pulled out a gum tree.
Nola: Ah, terrific.
Bea: Can we help you, Miss Ferguson? Maybe you'd like to take out a book?
Nola: Here's one for you: "Leathercraft for the enthusiast".
Ferguson: God save us from the sweetness and light brigade.
Morris: And God save us from a fascist regime.
Maxine: This is terrific, Lizzie! What do you reckon you'll ask for next
time?
Lizzie: A couple of new dresses, a mink coat, and maybe a bikini to wear during my exercise period. What about you?
Maxine: I reckon I'll ask for a blow-up Mel Gibson doll.
Lizzie: Ah yeah! I'm gonna have one of Gary Cooper.
Maxine: Who's Gary Cooper?
Lizzie: Well, he's almost as masculine as the Freak and twice as picky.
Ferguson: You're new here, and you've obviously never been in prison before.
But you're gonna learn very quickly that you don't just wander around as
you like!
Zara Moonbeam: My body might be behind bars, but my spirit is free!
Ferguson: Oh, is that so? Well, then we'd better tie you down, in case
you start floating around your cell.
Bea: Well, it's about time. I thought you were gonna starve me to death.
Ferguson: Now, that would take years, Smith.
Dennis Cruikshank (sp?): "I feel about as welcome as a pork pie at a Bah-Mitzvah!"
Reb to the Freak: "You're a Bitch, but you're not stupid!"
Angel's Grandmother: "If you'd only been born ugly, it might have saved you!"
Pixie: "Do you mean Sonia is working with an officer?! Are you sure, Bea? I didn't think that was allowed!"
Reb: "If there's one thing these walls are good for, it's putting an edge on a blade!"
Freak: "Where there's smoke there's usually fire!"
Anne: "That's just an old saying Miss Furguson, nothing more.
Let's face it, if it were true you'd have been burnt to a crisp!"
Reb: "I'm top dog, and I won't be stepping down for Desmond, Bryant or
Margaret Bloody Thatcher, got it?"
Pixie: "Go away Frank! You're rude, ignorant and ... rude!!"
Lou to Rabbit: "You think 'Sex Appeal' is a button day for prostitutes!"
Frank to Rabbit, who's in the way while he's playing pool:
"Out of the way love, if you still wanna get married in white!"
Lou, to Anita (the nun): "She [the Freak]'s a dyke. All nuns are dykes - it's
common knowledge!"
Joyce ruins Mervyn's pan making sweets at his place. He says "Look at it, it's buggered!
"
Dennis to 'Franky Boy' when he pokes Meg in the bum with a rifle after breaking
out: "I'll rip your bollocks out!"
Julie: "I've gotta find a screw!"
Lou: "You and me both!"
A couple from Lou to Daphne:
"And make one for me too. Ah, that's right, you don't have
coffee at night - A.M. coffee and P.M.T!!"
"Don't tilt your head sideways, Graham - the screws'll
fall out!"
Willie: "People have always said I've got a way with
words"
May: "You've never got away with anything!
"
Nora to Lou, who's annoying her:
"There's only one thing worse than hearing that foghorn
of yours first thing in the morning, and that's seeing where it comes
from"
Daphne: "We'll make him a chocolate fruit cake"
Lexie: "So you're going to cover yourself in chocolate, are you?"
Jen: "I just heard the news. Steven Formby's been arrested
for murdering Aunt Harriet. You know what this means?"
Lou: "He helped you knock over your granny!"
Jen: "Finally they'll know he was quite capable of murdering Nanna!"
Lou, about Nora: "What's she going to do, talk me to death?"
|
I'm not impressed!
...and that goes for the lot of you! |